Just what I needed to hear

Perhaps it was for this reason that he was seperated for a while, that you might have him back as yours forever… -Philemon 1:15

I was sitting in my car today, after an awesome church service, and missing Nick something fierce. I was questioning the distance, wondering why, when I had found someone so wonderful, was I apart from them? I wanted Nick with me, beside me, so we could talk about what had just been discussed in church. I wanted to drive home with him in the passenger seat and look forward to a wonderful Sunday together. The loneliness was definitely creeping in.

My mother had made  brief stop at the grocery store, so I decided to pick up my Bible and delve into Romans while I waited for her to return.  However, upon opening my Bible it was not Romans that I first came to. In fact, I opened up to a book I’ve actually never heard of, Philemon. And the first words my eyes hit upon were verse 15: “Perhaps it was for this reason that he was seperated for a while, that you might have him back as yours forever.”  In that moment, I felt the most amazing rush of reassurance. Not to mention, I was also the water works.  God had spoken to me in His own way. He told me exactly what I needed to hear in that moment, and even what I’ve needed to hear for some time.

It’s amazing how God uses the Bible and so many other methods to communicate with us. He is always with us, showing, guiding. All we have to do is listen.

You Are Everywhere

Madison, you are everywhere to me.
I see you walking outside my window
jogging past me, headphones tightly in.

I want to tell you, its dangerous.
You oughtn’t run with an iPod
because you can’t hear me when I call.

Only this morning I saw you.
I know I left you at your house
in tears, red faced from the pain.

But still, today I saw you.
I swear it was you, you wore those
shorts that I love and miss.

You ran in the way that I know so well.
Your hair was done up in that high
and slightly fantastic ponytail.

My heart leapt when I saw you.
You ran on, past me, with never a
word of hello or recognition.

I know now, of course, that it wasn’t you.
I know that it was merely a moment-
a fragment of a memory.

I transfer you, my love, to everyone.
Some take your hair, others your stride
and all take my breath.

For a moment, I am in a bright meadow.
You’re twirling in a sundress
and the water is running somewhere below.

As quickly as it comes, the mirage fades.
Reality intrudes, a nosy and jealous beast
that cares not for poetry or love.

But still sweetheart, I see you.
Always you haunt my steps
my classes, the very air I smell.

You don’t know this.
I keep it for myself, secret
because without seeing you

However unreal, would be unbearable.
If it isn’t your body, then for a moment
your spirit is there.

Madison, I transfer you.
Everything takes you on,
everywhere.

Now I see you dimly, through a glass.
Someday we will reunite, embrace
like water and sunshine.

I love you.

Nick,

I know only three words that come close to describing what I feel for you. If there were words that stretched beyond them, I would use those instead. However, “I Love You” is the pinnacle. But my love for you is so beyond the pinnacle that I’m often astounded in its force. I awake in the mornings to find that I love you more than I did the previous night. I shut my eyes at night to the knowledge that my love has grown even since I opened my eyes that morning. 

You gave me a promise ring on Christmas eve and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to convey the joy that filled my heart. Watching you leave only a day ago, I was reminded that while horrible, distance changes nothing for us. Distance does not change the ever-expanding love my heart holds for you. And looking at the ring, it changes nothing for you either.

I am here, some 300 miles away and my love is even more intense than when I began this post. I am wearing your ring and it takes only a glance to send my heart fluttering and happiness to spread throughout my limbs. I get on my knees and thank the Lord every night for blessing me with you.

Distance changes nothing.

I am waiting for you.

I am loving you.

Love,

Madison

More than a symbol

My love,

The ring I gave you a week ago is more than a symbol of love, or a token of desire, or even a promise of forever. Indeed, it is such a transcendent object (at least to me) that it is easier to say what it is not, rather than to tell what it is.
It is the feeling of your lips against mine on the little red couch by the window, the snow outside and the fire inside a wonderful contrast of winter. It is the sight of you after weeks and weeks waiting for me on the train station platform, your face screwed up into the searching, eager expression I know so well.
It is my admittance, my striking of the colors-not in a defeated sense, but in a wonderfully submitting and selfless sense. I renounce the rest of the world. I need only you, my love. I desire only you. The ring, then, is the expression of this new and unlooked for truth: my desires and my needs are, in you, the same. That is something that cannot be said for anything else.

Love,
Nick

Words to Live By

I’m taking the poetry writing class, or rather, I’m nearly finished with it, and I stumbled across this poem we had to write at the very beginning of the semester. It was supposed to be an “I Believe…” poem – a list of silly and serious things you believe in as well as rules for yourself.  Despite being very amateurish I thought I’d share it since I feel it’s saying some good things. Plus, you’ll get an even better idea of me. Enjoy! Also, no laughing at my lack of epic poetry writing skills!

Words To Live By

Soul mates are a work of truth.

Always carry your camera

and a journal for thoughts too.

Always write with images

and say exactly what you feel.

Strive for forgiveness because

People can change

but worrying never changed a thing.

Honesty is always best

but chocolate makes everything better.

Scary movies are the devil

and never, ever settle.

Aliens are a work of fiction

but Bigfoot is merely hiding.

Exercise and eat right

Never take abuse

Humanity didn’t erupt spontaneously

Jesus died for you.

Never cut that long hair short

Give thanks for today

Pray for tomorrow.

What I’m Thankful For!

Last Sunday, I was sitting in Church and the preacher was talking about lists. We make lists for everything, grocery lists, to-do lists, New Years Resolution lists, what-I-want-for-Christmas lists, and it goes on and on. But, do we ever make a Thanksgiving list? Do we ever really recognize what we are truly grateful for? Thank God for it? I’m going to venture and say that most of us don’t. I’ve never made a Thanksgiving list. Sure, I give thanks for things in my life, but honestly, I probably don’t do it enough. Can you ever thank the Lord enough, after all that He is has given us?

So, this year, I’ve decided to make a Thanksgiving list! Twenty things that I am grateful for, and they might be big or they might be small, and they might seem silly or be really significant but all of them are things for which I am thankful.

1. Jesus Christ
2. Salvation
3. Grace
4. Heaven
5. The Word of God
6. Second Chances
7. Forgiveness
8. Love
9. Prayer
10. Health
11. Family
12. Nick
13. Friends
14. America
15. Hardship, Trials (They make you stronger and you learn so much. Think about it.)
16. My house
17. My job
18. Attending college
19. My car
20. My love of photography

A Return to Innocence

Madison,

How thankful I am that we’ve turned from sin! Since that moment I’ve fallen in love with you all over again. Your beauty still excites me, your scent still works its magic on my senses; I dream of you and wish for your presence. But my appreciation of your beauty is pure again. The way your hair absorbs the heat of the sun when we walk outside, the way your skin softens in the warmth, even the way your chest moves as you breath, these things are new to me. I see them with new eyes, free of the scales of sin.

My love, how I regret the days I led you into sin. How typical of my own selfish pride to think that I could fully enjoy your beauty by adding myself to it. In my depravity I thought of you as a vessel to be filled with me-I would pour my physicality, my emotions, my love into you and wonder why fulfillment eluded me. I chased that fulfillment for a long time. I told myself that we made beauty, not sin, when we came together. I called darkness light, and I led you by the hand into a dangerous place.

Through unimaginable grace I was saved, and we escaped that place with our lives. My love, the sadness in my heart at having ever led you into that place will remain in me forever; I don’t think it has fully manifested itself within me even now. But we are free, my love. Grace has saved us in a very immediate sense and I pray every day for His guidance on our path so that we might not walk back to that place of darkness.

In spite of my sadness, my love, I find within me a happiness I never thought possible. We are finally embarking on our journey, free of obstructions. Ahead of us lies a bright and shining future, and the excitement and satisfaction I derive from that realization is more than I deserve.

This season let us celebrate our rescue and our return to innocence!

Love always,
Nick

Stress and Worry

Unfortunately, being stressed out and worrying about things seem to be pretty common in life. I wish it wasn’t so, but being human, it happens.  However, lately, as I’ve turned more of my life toward God I’ve discovered that it really doesn’t have to be that way. Ultimately, stress and worry comes from a lack of trust in God. Yes, I’m a fallen being, and my trust wanders just like anybody elses.

So, I thought I’d share some really great verses that serve as reminders to trust and the greatness that can come from it!

• Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord. - Psalm 32:10
• Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. – Proverbs 3: 5-6
• Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit. - Jeremiah 17: 5-8
•  That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? - Matthew 6:25
• Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
• Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. – Matthew 6:27-29

 

What Love is…

Love isn’t about the romantic nights or gifts. It isn’t about fireworks going off around you when you have that first, real, kiss. Love isn’t about kissing in the rain and dancing beneath the stars. It isn’t about the big moments or the big surprises. Love is not a fairytale. Love is about still having the butterflies after years. It’s about the second looks and laying in bed wide awake, all night, because you can’t go to sleep mad at each other. It’s about being willing to sacrifice, literally, everything for someone, just because you care so deeply for them. It’s not about buying them gifts, but it’s about leaving them little presents here and there, just to remind them that you are constantly thinking about them. Love is about all of the little things, that add up to really big things. Love is rare and special, but should not be treated as if it will break. Love needs to be thrown around and beat up a little bit, worn in, but not worn down. Love needs to be a comfortable feeling, a place to go when NO ONE else in the world can relate. A safe place, where you know that no matter how ugly you look or how angry you are, you will still be… loved.

The author of this is unknown but they summed up everything that I have ever wanted to say about Love. They probably did a better job of it too.

There is something about Fall…

 There is something about Autumn that takes my breath away. It’s the color, the smells, the way the air nips pleasantly at your face with cool, crisp hands.

 It’s how light diffuses through clouds only to be furthur scattered through thining trees. Until the dimming light falls to the cold ground and joins the leaves. 

 

 

 

 

It’s the leaves already present, smothering the ground beneath them in heaps of color. The crunch underfoot, the scuffle, as boots scatter their colorful bodies.

 

It’s simply just getting lost in the season. In the change. In the coming of the Holidays, of time with the family, of time spent with those who mean the most.